What Have You Done To Be So Lucky?

That's right, you are getting a double-dose of my blog this weekend, because I like you so much. Actually, it's more because I have interesting things to tell you, and I didn't get to post all week. But if you felt special after the first line, you can continue to pretend that is the reason.

Last night (Saturday), I witnessed the FIRST-EVER American Football game ever played in St. Petersburg. Historic, eh? The match was played in an infamous area of the city to the north called Primorskoye, amidst some of the newest and most opulent buildings in the city. I would like to say, before I get to how weird this game was, that the uniforms and equipment that the teams (the Nevsky Lions and the St. Petersburg Gryphons) were impeccable. I was impressed and really came to expect a quality product based on their appearance.

Don't judge a book by it's cover.

The game was played on a soccer field (big surprise), but that's not even scraping the surface of how bizarre this game was. First, there were yard markers diligently spread at ten-yard intervals--that is, until you got to the forties. I would estimate that there was about 8-10 yards between the two forties. Obviously, the yard markers were just for show. There were no uprights, as such, so for field goals, the attempt was to kick the ball over the soccer goals. This was fine, except there was no netting set up behind the goals, which meant that on the south side of the field the ball would sail into the parking lot, and on the north side, into a thick overgrowth of woods. Of course, all this assumes a successful attempt, which really was rarely a problem. In fact, the Lions (fittingly named, as we shall soon see) never even attempted an extra point. They went for two each time, and never succeeded, while the Gryphons had two kicks blocked more or less by sheer virtue of the fact that they were kicked at about chest-level with the defensive line. Alas, the nuances of the game may take a while.

Nuances like understanding basic offensive strategy. The Lions on more than one occasion completed screen passes to the running back, but gave him no blocking protection. In case you don't understand what happens in this scenario, allow me to treat you to the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9jgP1brUn8. Not surprisingly, these plays led two two lost fumbles, and one broken leg (seriously). Another detail lost on both teams was the idea of "punting". There wasn't a single punt all game. And the Lions, in fact, at one point attempted what can only be described as a wingback sweep on something like 4-and-30. Not surprisingly, the Lions failed to convert. This trend of not understanding appropriate passing-vs-running situations was another trend throughout the match.

Nuances like zone coverage. Like how to fake a handoff. Like having wideouts stay back to block. Like how to throw a football (the Lions' QB had particular trouble with this one). But the number-one failure (pictured right) was the awarding of a touchdown to the Gryphons on a play that should have been ruled a touchback. WTF?! My head exploded on that one. And you thought the refs were screwing YOUR team.

All told, however, it was a good time. I was announced as a representative of the American government (which was strange), I sat next to some overly-perfumed and excessively-made-up low-level politician from the area, as well as a whole bunch of Chechen children, who were much more interested in making loud squeaking noises with a blade of grass, here on a special cultural exchange.

Today I went out souvenir shopping a little, but I have to admit, much to the surprise of some who know me, I hate to buy souvenirs because I can't stand haggling. I feel cheap and annoyed, but that's how we do things around here. I was not wildly successful today, but next weekend will be better. Why? Because next weekend will not feature VDV Day. The VDV are the Russian paratroopers, with whom I had a brush a few years ago that led to the story entitled "The Time I Was Nearly Thrown From a Moving Train By Drunk Russian Paratroopers". Suffice it to say, I wanted to avoid them as much as possible, and I'm sure they got raucous later this evening, but I hid inside all day. That is, after I got stuck behind their damn parade--TWICE--on the way home. It's really amazing to see so many people so drunk at noon, but that pretty much sums up the affair as I saw it.

And tomorrow, back to work. Nothing terribly interesting on the immediate horizon, but of course, I will try to keep you updated. Also, football photos will be posted soon.

C