A Strangely Awesome Day

Are you still humming the telephone song to yourself from the last post? I am. But let's get back to something a little more substantial.

Today I had a rather unsual day. I spent the entire day out of the office working with a summer camp from St. Petersburg. It was me, a young woman from the Public Affairs Office named Vera (she's probably about my age), a slightly younger woman from a local university (Yulia: ~21 years old and looks EXACTLY like my friend, Denise, from Princeton...seriously, it was eerie, and we had a boy on the excursion whose name was Denis, which in Russian is pronounced like Denise, and it was freaking me out when someone would say his name and I'd look up and see this girl) who works for the camp over the summer, and seven kids. Now, that may sound like a good ratio, but seven is a lot of kids. Look, I've always had a lot of respect for schoolteachers and such, and two of the people I respect most in the world are my mother's parents, who had fourteen kids. But I've always sort of been of the opinion that kids are kids, they're easy to amuse, and I've had lots of experience with my younger cousins, so whatever. Well, let's just say that my estimation of people who work with kids on a regular basis has risen another tick.

Today, the "Humanitarian Academy of Global Language and Rest" (a horrible misnomer as none of them spoke anything but Russian, it's really more a summer camp than an "academy", and I feel anything but rested after today) was doing an "America Day", and to get a genuine experience, they requested help from the consulate. Of course, the Public Affairs section was only too happy to offer me up as the sacrifical lamb. I met them in front of the Kazan Cathedral, and we played some silly camp games while we waited for everyone to show up. The kids were of a pretty strange age distibution; I would say that all but two were 8, but then that one boy was 12 and another girl was 13 or 14 (I originally mistook her for a counselor), although for young teenagers, they ended up being remarkably cooperative and seemed to enjoy themselves. Once we were all there, we went to a local culinary institute to cook "real" American food--we'd picked out recipes for sloppy joes, cole slaw, some sort of Pennsylvania Dutch tomatoes that I'd never heard of, and apple Brown Betty (which they kept calling "Dark-Skin Betty" because of a translation that someone from my office did, and my sensibilities were a bit offended, but alas). The head chef was wonderful, he was great with the kids, he was very helpful, and he clearly just grasped cooking quite well, so my relative ignorance of all things culinary did not hinder us. The kids did a good job, although they were often more interested in playing with the knives, which terrified me to a great degree.

Aside: Russians are generally a less-risk averse people than Americans, which is probably why no one saw in big deal in giving kitchen knives to several third graders. It probably also explains why no one seemed worried about letting children put food in a hot oven without any sort of hot mitts. But I digress.

The food actually turned out quite well. The sloppy joes were tasty, the slaw was too runny, but good, the tomatoes were a bit weird (they had bacon, but it didn't make them better, believe it or not), and the brown betty was tasty although it could have used some ice cream. When we finished there, we headed over to a park not far from my apartment. Vera had to leave, putting Yulia and I at an even greater disadvantage, and the American girls who were supposed to come from a local program to help out didn't show, so it was just the two of us. We played around, I showed them the limbo (which the teenage girl was REALLY good at...it was crazy. She beat some of the eight-year-olds), then I had several American trivia questions that I read out for them and awarded Reese's Cups for each correct answer. The kids seemed to enjoy that for a little while. Finally, the main attraction--two guys from the St. Petersburg semi-pro baseball team--showed up. They were nice guys, and I helped them teach the kids (and Yulia) about baseball and how to play it. Probably the best was a little girl who had rolled her eyes a lot when one of the guys explained that girls generally played softball, not baseball. She could really smack the ball, which perhaps came from her experience with tennis. Anyhow, we played catch a fair amount, then we taught them to field and hit and so forth. I had to restrain myself BIG TIME not to tee off on the baseball when the kids insisted that I take my turn hitting. After I took a check swing that launched a ball at a kid and hit him in the stomach, I switched sides of the plate (to audible gasps, which made me laugh). It was a good time.

Finally, the ballplayers had to leave (around 5:15), and then we played a few more American games (Red Rover and Mafia) before it was time to go. I had a pretty good time, and it was quite a test of my Russian skills. I made it through, everyone understood me, and I generally understood everyone, so that was good. I may very well go back to work with them sometime, although when I informed the children that I worked at the consulate for free, they were appalled, so I can't imagine how they'd feel if I kept showing up to work with them without getting paid. At the end of the day, I felt tired, hungry, and pretty happy. The kids were funny, Yulia was good with them and was very friendly and interesting, and all the people who helped make this work were really good with children. It was nice to get out of the office for a change, especially after I had spent part of my weekend writing a speech for the CG that she ended up not needing (don't ask; it's not that interesting, anyway). This weekend was another quiet one, because the weather was lousy again. But I PROMISE that sometime soon, I will get out there and get some pictures for you all. I really wanted to go this weekend, but the weather just did not cooperate. This coming week will probably be really busy, what with the upcoming presidential visit and the 4th of July right around the corner. We've got our own reception, I have to go to one for the American Chamber of Commerce, et cetera. Oh, and while I may not get to see any fireworks this year, I will get to help fire a cannon.

Hells yes.

C

Don't They Have Locks at Dartmouth?!

This was a message sent to Caitlin this morning. I have left it untouched (aside from removing my greeting from the original email) so that you can get the full grasp of my seething anger. For background, my new roommate got here on Monday from Dartmouth, where he is a rising senior. But withou further ado:

Nope. No stories.

What? You want a story?

Let me think....

Hmmmm.....

Oh.

Oh, I know!

How about....

HOW MY IDIOT ROOMMATE LOCKED ME OUT OF THE FUCKING APARTMENT LAST NIGHT!

I went out to have dinner and a beer with Christine last night. I didn't invite my roommate, probably because I am a bad person, but mostly because I had had to deal with him all of Monday and Tuesday, and I sort of hoped he would do things like, you know, go to the grocery store and stop eating my food. But alas, that didn't happen. He seems like a good enough guy, but it's been a rough week. I worked through lunch twice, was one of the last to leave yesterday, et cetera. Whatever. So I just wanted a relaxing evening out with friends, and not feel like I had to babysit anyone.

So Christine and I went to a little "cafe" (more like beer tent), then went to dinner at a chinese restaurant across the street from my place. Being busy folks, we were both a bit taken aback when we realized it was the late hour of 10 pm (GASP!). So we parted ways. I went up to my apartment, and the door was locked, but I soon realized that the dead-bolt, which can only be locked and unlocked from inside, was on. So I rang the doorbell. Nothing. Rang again. Nothing. Pounded on the door. NOTHING. Called the apartment number. STILL NOTHING. I started calling the other guy from the consulate who lives in my building (the conservative guy). HE didn't answer the phone. I must have rung the doorbell for almost half an hour. So, left with little recourse, I called Christine, who talked to her host about it and said it was fine for me to sleep at their place. Thanks goodness, too, because I was pretty much out of other options. Christine's host mother and sister (Marina, whom I told you about) were both very understanding and nice. We talked for a while, then I went to bed. Fortunately, they live in what is known as a kommunalka, an old apartment that during the Soviet period would have been inhabited by several families. Apparently, they bought the place out after the fall and make most of their money renting space out, and they had a spare room. At first, the host mother seemed to think that we wanted to sleep together, but was trying to dance around the subject and be cool about it. It was pretty funny. We all went our separate ways at around midnight, and while it wasn't the most restful night's sleep I've ever had, it was better than wandering the streets. Also, my phone died while I was talking to the security officer to apprise her of the situation, so I had no alarm. Not to worry, as Elvira Borisovna (the host mother) was kind enough to wake me at 8. I then walked home (~15 min) looking haggard and dishevelled, and went up to my room. STILL DEADBOLTED. I start ringing like crazy. Finally, my roommate opens the door. "What, forgot your keys?" he asked.

"No, you locked the deadbolt. While I wasn't here."
"You don't have a key for that?"

"It's a fucking DEADBOLT. There's no key."

"Oh, I thought that's what the second key was for."

(We have three locks, one gold bolt lock, then the deadbolt, then the lock on the doorknob.)

"NO, that's for the KNOB. You CANNOT unlock the deadbolt!"

"Oh"

"You locked it last night before I came home."

"Oh, how did you get back in, then?"

"I DIDN'T!"

"OOOOOhhhhhhhhh...."

"Yeah. New rule. DO NOT lock that unless you know I'm here. We clear on that?"

"Yeah"

"I'm going to be late for work. Don't wait for me."

And thus ended my morning with him. I have yet to see him since, although he sent me an email saying he finished setting up the wireless router. I think he knows that I am trying not to be pissed. And I sympathize, because maybe he's still lagged, maybe he's just early-to-bed, early-to-rise. All the same, infuriating.

T H E E N D

In my ongoing effort to amuse you all and (hopefully) give you a glimpse into Russian culture, I would also like to share this video with you. It's from Ulitsa Sezam--Russian Sesame Street, and it amuses me for several reasons. I was a big Sesame Street fan as a little kid, so there's that, I've always retained a great deal of respect for the show, and I think its really interesting to see how it is adapted for foreign countries. The big blue thing is called Zeliboba, and he's basically Big Bird, although I think he's supposed to be some sort of tree spirit(?). Also, the little girl in the video looks so like an idealized image of a Russian child that it blows my mind. Finally, the song is ridiculously catchy, especially if you speak Russian. Thus, viewer discretion is advised:

Yeah, maybe I'll post something else about how nice the weather has been recently or something, but this is definitely the best I've got for now. Again, I promise, pictures will be taken soon!

C

Russia: Screwing Me Over Since 2004

Ugh. So tonight I went to see the Alye Parusa (Scarlet Sails) event, an annual festival in honor of...well, it's a tad unclear. The celebration comes from a sort of childish story written not that long ago by a Russian author named Alexander Green (from Grinevsky). The story is essentially about how women will believe anything, and that all it takes is a nice ride for a man to get laid:

-Girl (named Assol....I would say "insert dirty joke here", but that too would seem like poor verbal decision-making) prophesied to run away with a prince who comes to the village port with scarlet sails, takes it to heart despite ridicule from locals

-Boy comes to town, falls for Girl

-Boy finds out about Girl's idiotic fantasy

-Boy puts scarlet sails on his boat, Girl runs off with Boy

Now that we've got THAT out of the way, for some reason, this story became popular and the festival became associated with high school graduation. Thousands, perhaps even a million people go to this thing on the banks of the Neva River every year. And this year, after missing it my first two summers, I decided I would go. How foolish of me.

First, there are signs EVERYWHERE around town saying that it starts at 11 pm. Wanting to be fashionably late, I get downtown at around 11:15. I hear a concert coming from the Palace Square--the celebration must be underway. Then, as has happened all too many times in the last three weeks, the sky opened up. And it rained. And rained. And slowed down a little. And then rained some more. People started leaving the area in droves, and who could blame them? I, however, soaked and freezing thanks to my lack of a jacket in the rainy, windy ~50 degree weather, decided to stick it out. I wanted to see the Scarlet Sails, damnit! Also, there was supposed to be a hell of a fireworks display, and I didn't want to miss that.

So I waited around. I met a friend and we talked. It's now 12:30, and they've shot off a few fireworks, but they were pretty lame, and they ended after about 5 minutes. Whatever. Then there was the ship. It wasn't going anywhere (the bridges had not yet opened, and wouldn't for a while). I'd be damned if I was going to continue freezing my ass off to watch some boat float down a river, so my friend and I left. I grabbed a khychin (greasy bread thing) from a snack kiosk, and went home to get ready for bed. No bid deal.

As soon as I get into bed, KERPOW! Loud explosions begin. It didn't take long to realize that now that the bridges were up (~1:30 am), the real show had begun. The explosions continued to get louder, so I decided that all was not lost, so I looked out my windows, until I realized that I was on the wrong side of the building to see anything. Thus, I hastily put my shoes on and headed outside to see if there was any view from my street. Alas, not surprisingly considering the distance and geography, there was none. And so, I nearly froze to death on the river banks so that I could get home and then be kept awake by the sound of distant fireworks that I had wanted to see. Thanks a lot, guys. Starts at 11 my ass. It's a good thing this city is so beautiful, or I would have been REALLY pissed standing out there.

C

P.S. Thank you, little Russian lady, who told me not to freeze to death. I'm sure my mother would appreciate it.

Dostoevsky Must Be Pleased

The police in Russia have a new trick for catching some of the country's most dangerous criminals! In fact, in the past week, they have foiled two would-be murders through this incredible technique. Surveillance cameras in underground passageways, you ask? Improved building security, perhaps? Nope. How else? By murdering the victims themselves, of course!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/17/world/europe/17petersburg.html

http://www.rg.ru/2009/06/18/reg-ural/deputat.html

Granted, neither of these people was actually murdered. Instead, the police set up elaborate sting operations, replete with staged murders, which convinced those who hired the hitmen (the hitmen themselves being police informants) to turn themselves in/confess/whatever. I don't have a real opinion on this, other than it is bizarre and macabre, especially considering one day, someone's murder gets shown on TV and in the papers (I read about the first story here in St. Pete), and then the next day POOF--She's okay, everybody! Perhaps the efficacy of such a technique is up for debate, but being neither a law enforcement expert nor particularly inclined to opine on the subject, I leave you with these stories so that you can sit and scratch your head and think "Heh, Russia."

Nothing else to report, really. Today the weather has finally taken a turn for the better, but it's still a bit chilly. Last night I went back to the Stroganoff Steak House and had the burger, which was actually slightly disappointing. I think I should have avoided the bacon, which was a bit too salty (if that could possibly be) for my tastes. However, this weekend should hold plenty of excitement, so I'll be sure to update you all on the comings and goings of my life in the bol'shoy gorod soon.

C

V kruge pervom

Well hello there! How nice of you to drop by! Pull up a chair...

Actually, things haven't been all that interesting since I last talked to you. Over the weekend I finished up Solzhenitsyn's The First Circle which, I must say, is a top contender for most depressing Russian novel of all time--no small feat when you consider some of its competition. At the same time, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I had been meaning to read it for years now, and had made a couple of abortive attempts, largely because it is rather difficult to get into. There are numerous characters and backstory such that the amount of exposition can be a tad overwhelming. Still, a truly interesting and poignant novel. Next up, another novel that I didn't read despite it being required reading for a class in my major, Anna Karenina. Considering how well I liked War and Peace, The Cossacks, and The Death of Ivan Ilych, I am looking forward to it.

Sunday was a day of languishing about the apartment, reading dejecting Russian literature. That is, until my friend Christine and her Russian host-sister Marina came over to bake a cherry-rhubarb pie. It was random. I think they were just looking to get out of the house, and since my utilities are free, why not come over and bake here? I gave them the dime tour of the apartment and exercise facilities, which seemed to impress them both, but especially Marina. Mostly we just sat around talking. I was happy that I could at least hold my own in conversation, although I still make a fair number of mistakes. At the same time, comparing oneself to Christine is a tough proposition, as she speaks quite well. A pleasant evening was, I think, had by all.

Work continues. I've had a couple of fluffy projects, but I have since gotten some more interesting assignments, like setting up a meeting between the CG and some visiting American businessmen, setting up an interview with a local radio station for the 4th of July, writing comments and briefings, et cetera. Today I had a meeting with the local Reform Judaism rabbi, who seemed like a very grounded guy, and was clearly a good choice for his job. After that, I was inundated with work, but finished everything just in time to leave at 6. It was a nice feeling. In the coming days, I will be working at the Public Affairs office on a couple of ventures, but most of my longer-term projects for now are either ending or are still off in the distance.

Just when I thought I was used to the damn midnight sun here, I couldn't sleep last night because of the light in my room. I'm sure that won't be a problem tonight, as I am completely wrecked after a day of work following a night of short sleep. This weekend should be full of excitement, with a farewell party, a concert, Alye Parusa (Scarlet Sails--part of the White Nights festival that goes on in St. Pete every year), and the solstice all hitting me and tearing me away from my regular sleep schedule. Since I don't know if I'll be so inclined as to take a camera to Alye Parusa, here's a youtube link to give you an idea of what it's like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ3Wv0xscJQ

Классно.

С

ZOMG!

OK, there are several reasons for the title to this entry, but first and foremost is the fact that some wonderful person has posted my favorite/least favorite movie of all time, R.O.T.O.R., in its entirety on youtube. Of course, here's the link to part 1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v2FWINpkfg&feature=related

Please, if you haven't watched this, you owe it to yourself to do so with the greatest possible alacrity. Seriously. Incredible.

Next, my place, in addition to being awesome in general, has a gym, a swimming pool, and a sauna. I availed myself of the gym this afternoon, and not only was the treadmill fully functional, so was my foot (I've been fighting plantar fasciitis for about a year now). It looks like I just might get into some sort of exercise routine this summer, after all, which is nice.

The last couple of days have been good. Yesterday I went to the Hermitage museum in the early afternoon and spent about three hours there. They have a great collection of ancient sculpture and pottery, which I've visited probably half a dozen times before, but which never gets old for me. After that I headed over to the apartment of one of my colleagues/bosses/whatever who lives on Nevsky Prospect, where several of us from work played poker into the wee hours of Friday night/Saturday morning. We played four games and I ended in the money the first two, but lost a couple of tough hands in the second games. All told, I broke even for the night, so I felt like that was a pretty cheap evening of entertainment. Of course, since this is St. Petersburg, when we left at 1:30 AM the city was quite the spectacle, its famous churches and canals twilit by the midnight sun. I don't see how that scene couldn't wash away any contempt one might have for the city. But now I'm waxing romantic...

Today was supposed to be stormy all day, so I planned a day in. However, it's been nothing but sunny and gorgeous all day, so perhaps I will try and get out a bit more. I was going to go to the ballet tonight, but they were sold out, which is probably for the best as it's probably time to see something other than Romeo and Juliet (it's the one I've seen the last two times I've been). The Mariinsky is doing Sleeping Beauty next month, so I might try for that one. As for this evening, I'll probably just let fate take me.

Oh, also, I feel that, as the local authority on all things nuclear, I should share this with you:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090612/ap_on_re_us/us_radioactive_wasps

Awesome.

C

Vladimir Putin: Single-Handedly Ensuring my Future Employment

First of all, I'd like to bring your attention to last week's St. Petersburg International Economic Forum. Mostly, this boiled down to a meeting between Russian and American trade representatives, wherein, while the details still need to be hammered out, all parties agreed that Russia should enter the WTO, and the sooner the better.

Fast forward to today, when current Prime Minister and part-time John Wayne impersonator Vladimir Putin decided that he didn't need no stinkin' WTO accession (sorry, too lazy to look for the English):

http://www.kommersant.ru/doc.aspx?DocsID=1185505&NodesID=2

BAM! Essentially, for those who can't read it, it says that Russia, Belarus, and Kazakhstan are going to forget about entering the WTO for right now, and work on going in as a customs union, making everything we did completely and utterly worthless. Nono, thank you, Vladimir Vladimirovich. There are several opinions on the move, most of them negative, and I am not an economist or an expert on the WTO, but suffice it to say, this probably was not the best news for Russian industry. Also, its just generally irritating to see someone flush a ton of work down the toilet. At the same time, it means there will still be plenty to do on bilateral relations in the coming years, so...cha-ching?(!)

But anyway, at least work has been interesting. I've had lots of projects, many of them involving translating, editing, and formatting, but all in all, it's been at least moderately interesting. It looks like I will be working heavily with Public Affairs (PA) in the coming weeks, and will actually be the only American in house at times next month while the Public Affairs Officer (PAO) goes to see some dude named Barry who is visiting Moscow. Whatever. But my work will involve amusing things like preparing the Consul General (CG) for her interview with Ekho Moskvy, attending various public events, and going to the Russian Baseball Championship right here in our very own St. Petersburg! The CG is throwing out the first pitch and has asked me to teach her (and I quote) "not to throw like a girl and embarrass us all". Should be good times.

I have yet to get out into the city too much, as work has been keeping me busy and the weather has been lousy. Last night, however, I did manage to go to a jazz club, which was pretty good, to my surprise (Leningrad Dixieland Jazz Band, anyone? Ellen Chances' class? No? Oh well...). Today I went to a decent Georgian restaurant for lunch, and I think several of us are going to get together to go to a local Ukrainian restaurant sometime in the not too distant future. Should be good, and maybe I can practice a bit of my Ukrainian.

Generally, life is good. I work hard, but not so hard that I feel wiped out by the end of the day, and the work is far from boring or soul-sucking. I would also say that it's a bit relaxing compared to school, as my work mostly has to stay at work, thanks to various rules and regulations. Soon I will start doing things outside of the office and occasionally on "my own time", but I think that will be pretty fun, so I'm not worried about it intruding on my life.

This weekend is a long weekend, thanks to June 12 being Russia's Sovereignty Day (or whatever the official name is now), so hopefully the weather will hold out and I'll go around and take some pictures of this wonderful city for you to enjoy. До свидания!

С